Birds have complicated lives too.


I almost ran over him.

I swerved and pulled over, he didn’t look dead and when I got closer he flew away. Relieved that the little bird was neither dead or hurt, I got back in my vehicle, as I was putting my belt back on I glanced in the mirror and saw that he had returned to the middle of the road. I got out once more and shooed him away, he was not deterred. I approached and he flew away. I could not stay there forever, so I left, but noticed as I pulled away that he had returned to the road.

A day later I was once again traveling that road, when I noticed a tiny little bird on the side of the road, dead. It certainly looked like the same bird and it made me sad. Can birds be suicidal?

Today, I was once again traveling home from somewhere (The bank, where money flows out faster then in). I was driving slowly and saw a small bluebird on the road, sitting next to the body of another little bluebird. He/she flew away as I slowly drove around them. It made me very sad, I wanted to get out and move the dead bird so the one did not risk its life mourning for the other, but there was too much traffic. It makes me upset when people say that animals/birds have no feelings, that they are of no account in this world really. No they are not human, but they have souls and they feel.
This evening Felicity’s very inquisitive hamster, Princess, finally managed to excape her cage while we where out, she fell and died. She was very loved and very, very special. She was buried and a small cairn was built. Tonight my little Lollypop is sad and missing her furry friend.

There is a lot of sad in this post.

I find there is a lot of sad in this world in general.



This post is short because I just realized I have to go to the library.


Have you ever had something to watch and you were excited and there you are sitting on the couch with your popcorn, favorite pillow and a fuzzy fat cat only to realize the show you were thinking about isn’t on, because you don’t even know what freaking day it is, and worse there is nothing else on, so, you know, sad face.

No! what is even worse is there is nothing to read. It has been forever since I have been to the library.

I miss it.

The library is magical….now that I think about it I do believe I owe them money……hmmmm, the library is kind of like heaven but the librarian is a Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde persona…..scary, but awesome.





(I love librarians, they are the awesomest-est ever.)





I have been grumpy all day.

I had this idea all last week of what my weekend would look like, and it primarily involved Netflix and the filing cabinet. The time has come and past due to organize and file last years school work. This is really important as we are set to start Geo Matter POS  this week. Clean out the old and in with the new.

But that did not happen.

Worse, instead of getting to organize and catch up on whatever the BBC has to offer, worse, I had to deal with people.

For two days in a row, there were people. My hubby and kidlets doesn’t count. I am used to them, we get along. But everyone else……..I can only take in small measured doses.

And instead of finding a moment to meditate, pray, I found a can and became Oscar the Grouch.

Not very graceful.

I have just finished a classified amount of Peanut Butter cups, There a folders and binders piled high here on my desk.  It is frustrating.

I love the above quote.

It reminds me that it is okay to be frustrated sometimes, but that I was able to do something that, while out of my comfort zone, was a service for others, for my family, and in the end, for myself.

It was a Good thing.

Unorganized paperwork is not the end of the world.

(I hope.)

I will try for better grace tomorrow.

Right now I need to go belt out Let it Go with my girls….





….It goes on…..



It does not matter what happens, how wonderful….how wretched….how heartbreaking  this moment is, the moment moves on, times goes on.

Is this blinding truth?

Not at all.

But if you are an insanely impatient person, as I am, then reminding yourself of that everything works out, someway or another and tomorrow is a bright new beautiful day, well then, it helps.

This winter has been an amazing lesson, in patience, hope and even faith.

That last one is important as faith and I have been on the outs.

I feel sometimes like karma must have me mistaken for someone who kicks puppies and steals candies from infants.

It wasn’t me, I swear.

But until then….

I have learned to really sit back and appreciate what I DO have going for me, to appreciate the breathtaking scenery, to “stop and smell the roses”.

Might as well because wallowing in the misery of “why me” sucks after the first couple of hours.

I feel like a broken record. Is this my third post on the glories of winter?


We had an epic snow storm the other day(s), winters last little “you’re going to miss me when I am gone” solo number.

It was fierce-some, unexpected and held little back, Felicity and I were out shoveling out the mailbox, it took us a while to even find it, then we went on a wee little walk down the road to return the shovels we had borrowed.

The sky was bright blue, the sun bright and shining, the snow cold,wet and heavy, coated everything.

The world was one giant sparkling diamond.

Life would have been so much easier if we had not had that snowstorm, but what an insanely gorgeous day we would have missed!



Life is, as always, a beautiful, spectacular wonder.


Being a mom


I have a ratty green robe that I love and adore, it is currently in the washing machine and like a five year old concerned for her beloved blankie, I am feeling rather impatient for it to be done.

Before I threw it in the machine I had to check my pockets,  because it doesn’t matter if I am dressed up to go out, if I am still in, I am wearing my robe, and that means that I get handed stuff and I pick up stuff and it all accumulates over the day and into a pocket it goes.

I take it all out  fondly, I find a marble and a purple gel pen, a  tiny dress that belongs to Blythe from LPS,  there is a Gormiti, two legos, a small runner ball and  a small little drawing that was carefully folded and given to me right at lunch time, it is a picture of a cow, the words “mommy, Elli” carefully written out.

I love being a mom.

Given who I am, my own strange personality, it sometimes strikes me as a little humorous that I love being a mom so very much.

This is on my mind right now, as I wait for the washer to finish up, because it is snowing out and we have a few pretty cold days ahead of us.

But Spring is right around the corner, next week actually, but soon, sooner then I think it will be warm sunshine and green all around. And my children will escape to spend the next six months outside at every possible moment, it will be beautiful, amazing, but a little sad too.

The winter forces us close, I can hear them all from where I am now, I type away and they talk and giggle and play.

We read together, all snuggled up in front of the fire, and I listen to them talk, to me, to each other. They are here and they Wonderful.

Every summer they slip away a little more.

Winter brings them back to me for just a little while….

Until summer takes them once again, farther away, older still.

I love this snowstorm.



I’ve got a secret…..


Lean in close…..



I don’t hate the winter, I don’t hate this winter……..shhhhhhh


It did not start out that way.

Not at all.

I won’t go into the hell that was this last winter, the daily fight, the seemingly never ending bitter cold…, I won’t.

Somewhere along the way, I looked out a window, I stared, mesmerized at the large white flakes, had I seen the snow before?

I shivered.

I could feel it, from the shelter if my home, I feel  the winter.

It was divine.

Let it go…..

I closed my eyes and shed the misery.

I dove into the cold.

Coming up for air, opening my eyes.

Safe from the driving wind and snow

Here in my home.

I no longer demand the heat of summer.

Once again, I am thankful for the winter.

Once again.

I am here

Feeling the bittersweet love of a lesson hard learned.



“Peachy, say cheese!”


P1150953This Angel and I are rarely separate.

Even now she sits on my lap, Tilly snuggling close. We are on the couch, watching Martha Speaks on the TV. Martha will tell you what it is all about it.

Martha, a cozy blanket and two snuggly babies.

It doesn’t get better then this.