Random #87

A hot spell for Maine, it has been above 95 degree’s the last couple of days.

I had a doctors appointment today. I don’t want to talk about it.

Some days are okay, some days are not.

It is 12:42, I am tired. I just watched CSI: MIAMI, frankly I don’t watch the show for the plot or characters, I watch because I ADORE the filming style and the season finale was simply gorgeous.

Sometimes lately I feel so incredibly lost.

My Katie catches frogs.

Alice and Felicity have taken to going on bike rides with Joff.

Elli made Caleb a sandwich today, it was so cute seeing her take care of her little brother.

I have become hopelessly addicted to orange sticks lately. Fortunately my budget will inspire me to quit in the very near future.

I have let go the last couple of weeks, there are so many things that just don’t mean as much anymore, there are so many things that mean so much more.

I don’t care how high the grass in my yard gets, I will not allow the goats in my yard. It will NOT happen.

Caleb loves to remind me how much he loves me all the time, in the middle of playing whatever he will look up and say “I love you mommy” and I want to cry each and every time.

We are taking a break from school, I thought the kids would be all happy but instead they keep asking when we are going to get back into school again. June 7. I made a count down calender for them. I so need this time to regroup.

Joff let me buzz his hair off today and that made me happy. I have gone into cutting mode. I should go down to the local recruitment office and volunteer.

I am desperately trying to find peace.

So many people have said that I am dealing with all of this sooooo well. They are sooooo wrong. I am not entirely sure but if they expect me to throw myself sobbing at there feet because some kind of  intense grief, um, there expectations will  never be met, just not that kind of person.

Alot of the time the ” you are handling this so well” comments make me angry. Well meaning and really what else is there to say but the requisite ” I am so sorry” It all just makes me glad I can crawl into bed and hide.

Signing off before my random # 87 turns into ranting ramble # 1269

  “Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same” (author?)



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