I am stuck. I have all these words swarming around my head, fighting to get out. But I struggle with phrasing myself. I struggle with letting myself relax and say what I really want to say.
I am not a very restrained sort of person. But I am. I am a chameleon of sorts. Very good at blending in. I can be so many different things depending on my environment. I wonder how many people adapt for their environment, going outside of their comfort zone to make others more comfortable. I think it happens more often than not. Why else does everyone on the planet respond with “fine” when asked how they are doing? I think we should ban “fine” and use words like, Happy, Fuzzy, Joyful, Blue, Miserable, Blah or just plain Tired instead.
This year has been an emotional year. A rollercoaster. I have felt anger and betrayal and sorrow. I have felt my faith waiver and my trust in those around me shatter. I have also felt love and happiness and a few of my relationships with loved ones have been strengthened. I have discovered how blessed I truly am.
I have witnessed a dramatic change in my life. In myself. I have learned that I cannot please everyone and I most certainly don’t need to. I am learning to stand up and allow the quiet side of myself to find a voice.
It has been a painful journey and I know that there is so much more ahead of me that will be hard and uncomfortable, but I am stronger now, I am learning, I am growing, I am changing.
I have learned to be happy despite the sorrows of life.
I am fine.