Checking in.

I have been hiding. Tucked away inside my home and spending time with my children and kitties. Well, okay, I always spend most of my time with my children and kitties. We have been reading Harry Potter and watching Dr. Who. Finishing up math levels and playing in the pool. Our little bantam hen hatched four sweet chickies, Tilly is toddling about the house and we have decided on Abigail as a name for our new sweet baby love, everyone already calls her Abby and I am excited that my Tilly will have a sister close in age to share life with.  Joff has been working tons of overtime and so the house is still moving along but at a snails pace, I don’t mind, we are building our home and I don’t want it rushed.

I have been holding on and holding on, I have been strong and I have had to hear a lot of bad things about myself and my family and we have had many, many trials, but I was strong, until I wasn’t. I can’t/don’t want to get into it now, maybe in a year. The storms of life wore me down to nothing, I fell, hard. I am falling still, but am fighting. I cannot hate, I cannot not forgive. I can and will survive, I can love and I can understand that we are human, imperfect and struggling in our own ways. I can pray for those who hurt and are hurting.  But I cannot be one with society at this time, I need to hide away, to tap into my last reservoirs of strength. I need this time to learn how to breath again, to learn to trust again, I am rebuilding myself, piece by piece.  It has been scary, frightening. All this is perhaps necessary, I am coming back, I just need time. I need understanding. To my husband, my rock and the most wonderful man on this planet, Thank You. Thank You. I love you with all my heart. I thank God for my husband and my children, they keep me whole.  There is always Hope.