I have been having a rough couple of days, just life anxieties, holiday anxieties, end of semester anxieties…. nothing too wretched. I woke up this morning feeling kind of numb. I sat by my fire staring out the window and seriously contemplated going back to bed, but anxiety is wicked thing, and I would only toss and turn while my brained fussed over everything single stupid thing under the sun. Of course I did not immediately get to the things that must be done, no, I noted while looking out the window that it was fairly dirty, maybe more then fairly. So I washed the window, then another, and another. And the front door. And I swept. I swept three times for good measure. I made a to-do list and then burned it. I fed the animal populace. I opened my lap top, closed it, told the children to forage for canned fruit and toast for breakfast, felt guilty, went to the store, bought lunch. Came home, swept again, opened my laptop, stared at assignments. The children watched Star Wars. I reminded them about their own school assignments. I laid down. Five minutes later I got up. I swept again. Opened my laptop, printed out some turkeys for the little girls to color. Stocked the fire. Here I am. The problem with anxiety is that it makes me feel like I need to be doing something, the doing something is like a lullaby for the alien that won’t shut up inside my head, sitting is like gas on a flame, everything is so loud. Some days are good, some days are not. I have done so much more then I mentioned here, today was not the best day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
The shell is completely finished. We have actually started the finish work in several parts of the house. Honestly I am so happy I could cry, it has been a long journey that at points had me wondering if I was going to live in a half finished house forever. Take this contrast, last winter I had my dining room in my living room, my family room was a drafty hall, the kids rooms were just sub floor so a lot of dust and what not fell through to the living room, we had a sixteen foot opening on one side of the house that was only covered by a large heavy tarp (surprisingly we did not freeze), and I had no kitchen. Literally, my stove and fridge were crammed into a hall behind the living room and we washed our dishes in the bathtub! It was fairly depressing to tell the truth, but we survived. This year we got the finish floors installed upstairs, moved the staircase (ya, we are crazy) built a brick alcove in the middle of the house for our woodstove (think Inglenook), finished the kitchen, and built the dining room! I have a fully functioning kitchen! And a dining room! It is a wonderful, beautiful blessing. Our home is fully functioning and now we get to do the pretty and fun stuff. Hurray! We have a plan to have it completely finished by our 20th anniversary in 2020, I can actually see that happening, honestly I think we will be done before then. But I am pretty happy right now, I feel like I am living in a home instead of on a construction site for the first time since we started this crazy project. I will have to take pictures and share them next time.