Because I have nothing to do, certainly not school work, or homeschooling to tend to, or piles and piles of laundry, because dinner does not need to be made and because there are absolutely NO dirty dishes in the sink, I find myself here.
I have been drawn over the last couple of months, flirting with words, dancing with my thoughts, unsettled and uncertain. There is a change, a shift. These things make me antsy.
And so here I am.
With words, stuttering brain.
It is so grey today, I rejoice though, I love cloudy days. The children are about, the husband is at work.
I have been contemplating time, how there are so many ways to measure it, in the growing stack of clothes to take to goodwill, they have grown out of 4T, and the boy is a 10-12T. I borrow my daughters shoes. There is space, ever-increasing, but the cupboards must be full at all times. Teens eat a lot. They go away, and they don’t need me. I need them though. I got lost in the diaper aisle trying to figure out what to buy a friend, I held up onsies and marveled at the tiny size, was my 16-year-old ever that small? My baby is skin and bones, she is long and lanky. She needs me……..to make her cookies and read her books. I can never let her grow older. I already know I have lost them all. And here we have another summer slipping into her red and golds. Another childhood summer lost.
I have so many more years, oh I know, I know. I have time……but I know longer assume I have it all. I can see the change, I can feel the drift. And I relish every day, every single sweet day with these eight beautiful people who call me mother.
I am back, to record that my sons just biked down the drive swords in hand, my babies are playing dress up with stuffed lovies on the trampoline, my beautiful teens are listening to music and drawing……these are the things that make up a beautiful life.
My family are my all, and that perspective is what shapes my heart.