House update

Since we moved into our house, five years ago? Our shell, our living quarters in training, our forever home that will never be finished (hahaha), we have been making steady progress, but up till this year it has been rough, there has been rustic living, learning to live without certain everyday comforts (for a six months we did not have a kitchen sink!). Because our house was built alongside our mobile home, and our house plans dictated our dining room and kitchen where the mobile home where sitting, we have lived with a tiny square of a kitchen in a back hall, and our dining table was in the living room. It has been a shuffle, and everything shifts around as we build new things, or need room to build. Most rooms have served duel functions, storage is almost non existent, because we haven’t got around to finishing the house, we just buy material every paycheck. Example, paycheck comes in, set aside grocery money, set aside, gas money, buy two bundles of Roxul, and a window. When we actually finish this thing I am going to feel so stinking rich…….

But this year, we finish the last actual piece of construction, this is the last year for buying shingles, and chipboard, the last year for insulation, and 2x6s, and the last year for nails. Nails! I have them everywhere, coat pockets, drawers, in cups on a sill, buckets of them in the shed, under the stairs, everywhere.

Actually I am certain we will always be working on some project or other, I mean we do want to build a garage eventually, hahaha, but as far as the house goes. This is it. Finally.

And that means we have started actually started finish work, the upstairs floors are down, the wiring is done, the lights are in. The material for my ceilings and walls comes in a few days.

Excited to have half of my house finished? Excited to no longer stare at studs, and insulation? Excited to finally be able to paint some walls, and hang up pictures of my kids?


It will still take a few more years to finish it, my poor husband has to work, eat, and sleep sometime, but we are on the other side. Arguably the more expensive side, but oh so much more fun side.

This winter, for the first time in five years, I will have a kitchen, and a dining room. I will actually use my living room as a living room.

Its just too awesome for words.




It is funny how much one remembers when someone close to your heart dies, as though in their leaving they open a gate,  a way to temper the aching, grieving beat, beat, beat of a heart still living.

Papa was words that have not been said, he was mythical, as perfect as a man can be. He was simply there, when I was a lost child without a father, he was a father, and in my world that was full of fathers and mothers but empty of love, he was love.

He healed wounds, he cried with me, taught me, counseled me, laughed with me, shared with me, listened to me.

He was Papa. And Papa is gone.

And he is happy, and healthy, and whole.

There is a family that is rejoicing in his return.

I was never going to be ready to say good bye. I still don’t know how.IMGP0180-001



Everyday · Kids · Picture Post · Uncategorized


Because I have nothing to do, certainly not school work, or homeschooling to tend to, or piles and piles of laundry, because dinner does not need to be made and because there are absolutely NO dirty dishes in the sink, I find myself here.

I have been drawn over the last couple of months, flirting with words, dancing with my thoughts, unsettled and uncertain. There is a change, a shift. These things make me antsy.

And so here I am.

With words, stuttering brain.

Well now.

It is so grey today, I rejoice though, I love cloudy days. The children are about, the husband is at work.

I have been contemplating time, how there are so many ways to measure it, in the growing stack of clothes to take to goodwill, they have grown out of 4T, and the boy is a 10-12T. I borrow my daughters shoes. There is space, ever-increasing, but the cupboards must be full at all times. Teens eat a lot.  They go away, and they don’t need me. I need them though. I got lost in the diaper aisle trying to figure out what to buy a friend, I held up onsies  and marveled at the tiny size, was my 16-year-old ever that small? My baby is skin and bones, she is long and lanky. She needs me…… make her cookies and read her books. I can never let her grow older. I already know I have lost them all. And here we have another summer slipping into her red and golds. Another childhood summer lost.

I have so many more years, oh I know, I know. I have time……but I know longer assume  I have it all. I can see the change, I can feel the drift. And I relish every day, every single sweet day with these eight beautiful people who call me mother.

I am back, to record that my sons just biked down the drive swords in hand, my babies are playing dress up with stuffed lovies on the trampoline, my beautiful teens are listening to music and drawing……these are the things that make up a beautiful life.

My family are my all, and that perspective is what shapes my heart.P1100399.jpg

52 week challenge · Happiness · Kids · Photography · Picture Post

52 Weeks


Last year I made a conscious decision to be happy. Life is freaking hard and I was wallowing in misery.

It was pretty bad.

Whose life is the worst.



So. Not. True.

This mental switch wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Get up, be happy.

Example, one day we were driving along, our car started having trouble, of course the sensible thing to do is worry, I could feel it, the anxiety blooming in my chest. Instead of letting the worry monster run rampant, I sat back and thought, wow, so glad we have added a tow package to our insurance, I am glad we are not far from home, we have a cellphone. And most of all, I saw what I had not been previously paying attention too, the rising sun. It was stunning. How could I be unhappy, how could I let my anxiety out when I was witnessing such beauty?

Our car did break down.

But it was okay. Frustrating, oh yes. But okay, life is full of frustrating experiences, hard times, and sometimes trauma.

But attitude is everything.

No, it doesn’t make it better, but neither does being miserable.

I have started a few 52 week challenges, I intend to share them here.

One is 52 weeks of gratitude, this weeks challenge (because I am just now starting) is Why start this challenge. I explained that above, I am doing this because I had a gratitude journal last year and I would say that it was a roaring success. I want to keep going.

I am  grateful to have so many things to be grateful for!

Anther challenge I started at the beginning of the year is a 52 week photography challenge, the idea behind this is that my equipment is only a tool. Right now I have a little compact, it is a Panasonic LX7. It isn’t a lot of things and it has its limits, but I am determined to find them and push them!

I started this challenge at the beginning of the year, but here is week 3 (red) and week 4 (portrait, headshot), this photo I did not share with the group but is my favorite:)








Peaches cries out, Mommy! As though she has not spent the day within five feet of me at all times. I had just gone to the restroom, gone all of five seconds. But she is thrilled to see me.

Reading her favorite stories and eating cherry tomatoes, seeds and juice dripping down her chin.

Counting everything 6,7,8,10. Again and again.

Bouncing, bouncing everywhere. My little bunny Foo-Foo.

Bobba Is code for a drink of anything, and Cocoa means food.

Singing. Dancing.

Again and again.

She is sunshine.

But then,

It is late and we curl up in bed, she counts her toes and we sing the ABC song until her eyes start to close. Finally. Finally she is asleep and the  exhaustion of having a two year old leech melts away. She is my drug, my tiny little human, my last, my baby.

I can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow.



Easter! Sugar Rush! CANNNNNDDDDYYYYYY!!!!!

I currently have one super sweet DSLR, one pretty awesome compact (camera),  two cell phones with cameras and two kindles with cameras. Coincidentally I have no Easter pictures.

Last night was a train wreck of one needy child after another so that by 6:30 this AM, when the children wanted to see if the bunny had hopped on by, I garbled a short consent and fell back asleep. I am fairly certain Joff didn’t even move.

By the time I did crawl out of bed, Abby was laying on the couch staring at a round chocolate egg with glazed over eyes and a sick look to her face.

By lunch the rest of the children where asking for greens. Soups. A peanut butter sandwich. Anything but sweets. Chantelle actually handed me her basket at point and told me she couldn’t even look at it anymore. Tilly is three.

Based on the baskets friends and family posted pictures of on social media, I would have said we where down right stingy with the candy this year.

So all in all a raging success:)

Happy Easter!

Oh hey, it was 15  degrees last night, and snowing today. What the freak is up with that? James and Mandy better get that guest room ready, I need some sunshine! I want to go on a hike! I hate mud! Lets just skip the mud and cold and go straight to warm weather. And by warm weather I am asking for anything above 35.


(Wrote this on Easter and I didn’t even bother to publish. Sigh. I need help.)

Everyday · Picture Post


Yikes has it has been a while!

I swear the earth spins faster the older I become.

Life is a muddly puddly mess, but rather enjoyable at the same time, so no giant complaints here!

Spring is taking its own sweet time arriving this year.

We have a new puppy, Bella.

Evs has a Lepoard Gecko named Gene Kelly.

We went on a trip to Mo. and had a wonderful time.

Today we have finally discovered that our well pump is bad, we have not had water for a month and a half! But there is a solution on the horizon, so yea!

Here is a picture of the Peach, who is as adorable as ever. The stickers are from the doctor, for being an angel at her appointment:)