Wrap music! hahaha.
Doesn’t everyone choose to blog instead of writing an essay that is due in four hours? Its only five pages, I am not a newbie, that’s like nothing. (Scoffs). Every good student has the gift of blarney.
This week has been havoc. This whole month has been havoc. My teacher mom hat has been a tad dusty, my make yummy dinners and converse around the table in a loving manner hat is lost, probably in the mountain of laundry that has consumed my bathroom. We have been sick, had family over at grandmas visiting, Joff off work long enough to try and whip us into some sort of getting the house ready for winter army. Hahahaha, poor man.
And then we made the mistake of taking my treasured Fisher woodstove out and replacing it with a newfangled reburning EPA approved pretty stove. That does not heat my house the same at all. So now I am colder then I was hoping, but at least I can see the fire burn and it looks nice (?) aesthetics over function I say. Bonus, I did something quite terrible to my back helping lug around 500lb wood stoves. Go Me!
My Elli turned 12! Someone is seriously messing with time, I can’t believe that sweet baby is no longer…well…a baby. She is smart, kind, helpful, has a fabulous sense of humor and a beautiful singing voice. I am dazzled by her every single day.
Twin month pics happened on a cold and blustery afternoon right after church, but these two are my heart and soul.
We have been having the craziest weather, snow, thunderstorms, gusting winds, buckets of rain, more snow. It is too early in the year for this nonsense. The other day it was snowing hard and I just wanted to put up the Christmas tree and sing carols. I do not approve of snow in October. (But it IS terribly pretty ❤ ).
Back the grindstone.
Ta~
My laptop broke. It broke, broke. Dead. Never going to turn on again. That happened back in…..December? It was a while ago. Anyway, I have felt bereft and sad over it. I don’t like borrowing Joffs because he has his set up all wrong, although he thinks its right, its not. But I have to use it sometimes because School, ugh though.
Anyway, the deep question that drove me to blog today.
How do you know when something is right? When making a decision, how do you know when you are making the right choice? Is it even possible to make a rational, logical decision?
February is full of decisions, lots going on. Trying to decide what I want to do with my life….I will be an old lady in six months, I am feeling the need to decide what I am going to be when I grow. Or should I grow up?
I am a queen procrastinator, I probably will still be deciding as I draw my last breath……
I have been grumpy all day.
I had this idea all last week of what my weekend would look like, and it primarily involved Netflix and the filing cabinet. The time has come and past due to organize and file last years school work. This is really important as we are set to start Geo Matter POS this week. Clean out the old and in with the new.
But that did not happen.
Worse, instead of getting to organize and catch up on whatever the BBC has to offer, worse, I had to deal with people.
For two days in a row, there were people. My hubby and kidlets doesn’t count. I am used to them, we get along. But everyone else……..I can only take in small measured doses.
And instead of finding a moment to meditate, pray, I found a can and became Oscar the Grouch.
Not very graceful.
I have just finished a classified amount of Peanut Butter cups, There a folders and binders piled high here on my desk. It is frustrating.
I love the above quote.
It reminds me that it is okay to be frustrated sometimes, but that I was able to do something that, while out of my comfort zone, was a service for others, for my family, and in the end, for myself.
It was a Good thing.
Unorganized paperwork is not the end of the world.
(I hope.)
I will try for better grace tomorrow.
Right now I need to go belt out Let it Go with my girls….
K~
I was going to blog.
That is what I was going to do.
But I just wrangled two
toddlers to bed
and the cats have
stolen my writing chair.
I was going to blog.
I was going to blog yesterday
and the day before that.
I really was.
But it was late
I was tired.
I had nothing to say.
I had too much on my mind.
I read instead.
I fell asleep.
I was going to blog tonight.
I really was gonna.
K~
Life refuses to molder in place, so my spirit animal has a tendency to change every year or two, this years was…….an ostrich.
Not my first choice, but upon reflection this has been the year for my inner ostrich to come awkwardly bounding out on gangly legs.
Let me ‘splain.
No we don’t have time…
Let me sum up…..
I have looked cross all year, stuck my head in the sand (under my covers really) and/or ran around kicking folks in the shin. Like, really hard.
Ya, I am really hoping for an upgrade next year, like a Lab or Golden Retriever, something cute with fantastic people skills.
K~
I don’t really dream. When I sleep, I sleep. Rarely do I dream. I am also not superstitious. That said I have had a few “mystical” experiences in my life. Nothing that can be explained really, just things that happen. I do not appreciate these things and I have had a rush of them lately.
A girl I met, I little girl, who I am certain even now needed, needs help. But what can I do? What? I am a stranger and I know nothing of her, her family , her life. I know nothing except that she was in pain. And here, a week later I still think of her, I worry and hope that someone braver then I has noticed her pain, is giving her the sanctuary she needs.
And then a dream, a dream that comes three, four times a night. A vision? A premonition? An admonition? In my dream I am told in a matter of fact way something (something I don’t care to share) and my whole soul rebels against the very idea, I am awake and tired, exhausted. Two nights of sleeplessness. It is as if I am to be told until I except it, embrace it.
My wakened mind cries out “Bosh!”.
It frightens me none the less.
And then in life, in life, the real daytime moments, I am struggling to make sense of my new home, unpack, leave things the way they are until we get shelves up, wade through a bin of clothes until the dressers are moved. Departing from our traditional school for something basic and off track, but school nonetheless. Feeling frustrated and impatient.
And muddled.
Halloween and not a costume is complete , I haven’t even begun. I mean to shuffle through the aisles of local shops everytime I am out, but when I am out I just want to be home, so I look at my list and hurry through, bent on finding what I need.
Apparently routine, structure is more important to me then I knew.
I am tired.
I am washed ashore, on an island of beauty and promise, and I am frightened, clinging to the wreckage of my ship.
Today is a Thursday sort of day.
K~
I miss so many things that used to make up my world, but I seem to have shed a skin, a piece of my self is gone. I miss it.
I have been missing, missing from life, church, family. I have burrowed into myself, my children , school, Joff. Concentrating on what is the most important right now.
When I took dance and I first learned to pirouette, there were two things I would run through first. Back straight and focus on a point, usually a poster or a clock, depending on where I was at. Frankly it is still hard and I sucked at ballet, but that is where I am at right now. Back straight and focusing on something that makes sense. One thing.
I picked up my camera yesterday, cleaned it up, popped in a memory card, battery. It felt alien almost to check my settings, make sure I had not left it on iso 1600 before packing it up. Then I pulled a muscle, put away my camera and went back. Back straight, focusing on what makes sense, but not before I got this shot of Lolly.
Is she not beautiful?
I love my family, my children, my husband, my fur-babies. I may not be the greatest person to be around right now, but I am working on it, this is not the first time I have been fooled by life, but you know what they say, fool me once, shame on you , fool me twice, shame on me.
Hey, maybe I am learning something?
Finally.
I hate life lesson crap.
K~
P.S This is neither a cry for help, cookies or medication. I am not depressed. Just rearranging life priorities. Although I can put on a sad face for cookies, always.
Has it really been a month?
I blame it on pinterest. And the children. The children are everywhere and they want me to do things for them, like feed them and wash their underwear. I am so picked on.
1. I bought a new, dome-shaped, clear umbrella. It is ridiculous how much I love it.
2. We have made revisions to the house, again. Thanks Pinterest.
3. I am really excited to share some fantastic news about math. Sadly it is not that math is no longer required learning, no that would be too good to be true. We have been using Math U See and loving it. Yes the sky is falling. It is turning out best for Everett and Felicity, but Katie and Alice are doing well and I am sure they will feel better about it once they get used to it. At the very least there is no complaining. A+ in my book.
4. I am thinking of not finding out the gender this time round. I never in a million years thought I would feel that way, but I have boys and girls, a surprise might be kind of fun:).
5. Made some salsa, tons of lime and jalapano, mmmmmm, me so happy.
6. Caleb calls Tilly, “my little pet Tilly monster”.
7. As much as I am in total denial about pregnancy in general, as much as I swear up and down that I am done, so, so done having children. I cannot complain, I am insanely happy things did not go the way I thought I wanted. I have seven amazing children, a sweet angel in heaven, and a new little love on the way. I am blessed. This is something I can never say enough, whatever crap life throws my way, I am blessed.
K~
I am feeling chatty, but since I have recently discovered that I am a hermit, there is no one to speak to other then the baby and the cats. And they do not laugh at my very lame attempts at humor. In case you are wondering the older children think I am crazy and rarely listen to a word I say, I can hold their attention for about ten seconds if I am holding something that contains loads of sugar or cash. I can get 30 seconds if I am holding both.
When I got married to my Joffy, I ended a relationship with Hellman’s Mayo. It was all about the budget, Why buy Miracle Whip and Hellman’s, waste of money, or so I thought. Then I had a sandwhich last year with Hellman’s and I almost cried*. I had been eating the nastiest stuff on the planet and I was done!
I am eating a burger with tons of Hellman and Ketchup! Yum!
Joff has been working so much lately, when he came in to tuck the kids in the other night Caleb said bye instead of goodnight. Tonight he is off to the Special Olympics and he will not be home till tomorrow, possibly Tuesday. I hope he comes home tomorrow. Because the babies have a dental appointment Tuesday morning and I hate dental appointments even if they are not mine. I am extremely romantic. I tell Joff all the time how I could not live without him. Who would do the dishes?
My poor Joffy.
Funny how when I have so much to say I find myself without words.
K~
*I cried, it was in a little diner and I choked up. People were looking, I was all, Oh my, oh, oh, sniffle, sniffle, what magical ingredient has made this BLT heaven on earth, sniffle, sniffle, mmm. I moaned and made disgusting eating food noises and if I had not been me I would have been very humilated. But I was me, so it was all good. Oh so Good.
Zombie.
But not the fun, shuffling kind. More like a couch potato zombie. Without the couch and potato.
I make so much sense.
There are seven children that demand my attention, but I am full up. Exhausted, sick, miserable. I drag myself through the day, trying to be happy for my kids, trying to be alive only to crawl into bed at night and find myself unable to sleep.
Rinse and repeat.
Sharyn and Gary showed up today with Pizza and snacks for the kids and I almost cried, the idea of having to cook was more then I could take.
Joff has to work and work overtime. So it is me. All me.
And that is enough self pity for the day.
Odie, let’s talk effort versus return here. You know, you can still lead a pointless life without all that running around.
Garfield
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” – Douglas Adams.”
I used so much hairspray that I feel personally responsible for global warming.
—Dusty Springfield ( I have nightmares of aqua net )
I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant.
—Dean Martin (wow, it is uncanny)
If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
—Paul Beatty
K~
family4ever 